Still Thunderstruck, Staying in the Heat

My head feels like a balloon being sat upon but refusing to pop. The only relief is squeezing my nose incessantly, which gave me a bloody nose around 8 a.m. today, roughly five hours before my planned wake-up time. But two (2) of my picks for the last round were wrong. I completely misread the Lakers–thought Kobe and the underbite were gonna come through. And I actually thought the Heat were going to beat the Celtics–I didn’t write it because its like sacrilege–but I definitely would have said Heat in 7. No way I thought the Celts would go down like they did. Anyway. Conference Finals. Hit ’em with it.

Western Conference Finals: Thunder def. Mavericks in 6

Three incredible offensive talents with nobody on the other side to guard them. Ibaka can’t guard Nowitzki. Kidd/Barea can’t guard Westbrook. ? can’t guard Durant. I have no real reasoning to pick this; the Mavericks played damn well against the Lakers and there’s no reason to believe they won’t do the same, plus they’re rested. But I can’t go back on my championship pick, cuz that would be, like, cheating, man.

Eastern Conference Finals: Heat def. Bulls in 6

I picked the Bulls to beat the Celtics in this series originally. That was before the Heat beasted on the Celtics, Dwyane and LeBron coexisted, and Joel Anthony hatched out of whatever species of alien egg produced him. I actually don’t know how this series will go. Derrick Rose could do what Rondo was supposed to do (before he got injured), but who guards whoever Luol Deng isn’t guarding? Who wins the battle between between Bosh, whose play warranted this and Boozer, who likes to bang. I don’t know. Maybe Rocco will shed some light later.

I’m picking the Heat because I hate them. Hate them with a deep, dark, burning passion that won’t cease until they are dismantled. It’s really unfair to Mike Miller, who I used to love, and Eddie House, who can come over for dinner whenever he wants. And it’s unfortunate for Dwyane Wade, who I never had anything against. But man, that LeBron guy, geesh, he’s just really a bad person. So yes, I want the Heat to win so that the Thunder can beat them. Because the Thunder winning a championship would mean that everything I think about basketball is true: That chemistry–real chemistry–means something. That Kevin Durant is the future. That you win with Kendrick Perkins and Nick Collison and that, for whatever reason, having Nate Robinson means something.

And, of course, that LeBron can’t win.

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